Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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