Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
