the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
