Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
