And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
