I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
