I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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