Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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