Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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