then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
