my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have tasted many bathrooms
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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