my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You can't just leave with hair like that
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
