So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
