I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
