thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
