when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
