you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My ATM looks so different sober.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
