you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
