I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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