It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
