Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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