We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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