i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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