eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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