when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
