I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
