He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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