can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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