i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
