just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
