it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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