tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
