Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
