I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
