If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
