Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
