I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
