how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
