i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
