I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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