you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
