yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Can Purell be used as lube?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
