i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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