Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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