No subtext here. People are naked.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
