Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
