Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
