i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
