i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
