bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
