then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
