Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
