Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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